Nailing Jello on the Wall Gracefully, by Rosemary Hurwitz

I read a verse on a refrigerator magnet that made me laugh in one of the Traverse City shops.  It read “Raising teenagers is like trying to nail jello to a wall.”

The comic relief was so welcome because as great as I believe my 14, 19 and recent college grad are, it is exasperating at times, for each of us.  This reminds me of when my mom who raised six children, used to read a book, called “I Gotta Talk to Somebody God.”

Firstly there are all the individual’s age related challenges; in our family, going from youngest…..at age 14 all the excitement and anxiety about entering High School.

At 19, what to major in at college?  what to do with my life, as well as the continued adjustment of separating from a close knit family who still likes each other enough to be on vacations together.

At 22, following a few “key” but frustrating home rules which didn’t “apply” on the college turf, as well as saving money for more schooling but questioning the where and how of the next plan.

Our 25 year old is on her way, on her own, a professional in a loving relationship, off the payroll, as we say.  She made it through, to her own space and place.  They will too, I know but right now, I gotta talk to somebody God.

Letting go gracefully, giving wings to children is much harder for me than giving roots.

When kids are little, here are words that come to mind for me regarding the pleasure/challenge of it all; fresh, innocent, angelic, protective, mother’s intuition-strong intuitive hits-acute and intense life, excitement of childhood with its warbles and warts and tears, sheer exhaustion of it all, sweet forgiveness and oatmeal kisses, shoutings of “I love you mom,” on the way to the school bus from your 11 year old boy..

The (pre) and teen and college years feel like this; moodiness, hormones gone haywire, communicating less, less hugging, fewer kisses, slamming doors, “go to” or buddy person, cherished intimate conversations, exercise at the health club or bust, extra date nights for parents, forced family togetherness-because they would often rather be somewhere else, but we WILL have family dinners a FEW times a week, if we live together people because research shows kids are HAPPIER and TURN OUT BETTER, and OMG I am tired sometimes.  No pain no gain?

I now “get” why people want grandchildren.  New life that gets “fused” into a family hungry for it.  I just need to remember I can be life giving to people who have larger things on their mind than the swing set.

Emotional separation is a long and torturous process at times, necessary for everyone’s growth and individuation.  For everyone’s wings.

It is this very challenging “art of separation,” which at times feels (I am guessing for all of us,) like “nailing jello onto a wall,” and yet, if done well, will prove only temporary.

Temporary because, as spirits fly through the teen and young adult years, we all adapt and more importantly, we grow to the next best version of ourselves-all of us.  And,  like the plaque from my daughter with the family of snow people on their bathroom wall says,  ”Families are Forever; Love never Melts.”