God created the world in play–I love that; what a great thought. Joan Borysenko just asked on her FB page how do you quiet the inner critic in your head; she was reducing her busy schedule and heard a name calling voice (lazy bones) inside her head.
Many of us responded with what works for us and she shared how much she appreciated her FB friends, “really, really, really,” she said. I know the feelings–both of the pain of the inner critic, and the relief of the friend’s advice. The feeling of that inner critic who is hard on me, who thinks I should be doing more, or saying less, or is just not satisfied, always a kind of “contrary” state to being present, to quiet play, or being content, or just “playing it by ear,” as my very connected mother used to say.
The responses to Joan’s question, how do you quiet your inner critic, ranged from, “I say thank you, and move on,” to ” I excercise,” to mine, and this really works for me, ” I turn “guilt” into anger,” as in, “Hah! lazybones you say? Yes, what I have been lazy (negligent) about is being lazy!! I like being…. I like lazy. Get thee behind me!!” My inner critic is strong and sneaks up on me at times, and I have found that I need a strong response to let it know who is leading my life.
I am all for being industrious. I admire those busy bees, or my “busy bee within” who gets the work done. Living in a Chicago suburb, raising a “big” family, (today) of four children, and working PT, going back for an advanced degree, owning two places,–I did it, I am doing it…I get it-I get it, I really do, but there is a time and a place, and in the Amercian culture, many of us have been raised to believe that doing is more important than being.
Being is OK, actually, it is more than OK, it is great! Active play, being, being lazy or other passive behaviors, when they seep in long enough to permeate your system, allow you to gain insights that might otherwise not surface in the hustle of life. It is why retirees and their grandkids often get along so well. It is why mothering a baby or small child can seduce the most successful lawyer away from a 6am to 6pm job, not that parenting is without duties–far from it, but there is the PLAY that we get to share in with babies and children, if we are smart enough to let ourselves. This play can feel lazy, or like “doing nothing,” and yet as I look back at raising my four kids, now 14 to 25, the play is the thing I miss the most. I feel “connected” when I play. Maybe that is what Sri Ramakrishna was thinking of when he wrote, “God created the world in play.”
I write this after being up at a lake for a week doing a lot of nothing with my 14 year old. We’ve read, and played with our dogs in the lake and polished our nails, made salads, watched TV, and movies, and I have excercised most days. With her Dad and older siblings coming and going throughout the summer, and me “losing the always being needed for something of motherhood,” I am adjusting, believe me. As I allow myself to r e l a x, this much I know, “playing it by ear,” is lovely.
